I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
