how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
