The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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