you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
