god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The adults are the big ones right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
