dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
