Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
