The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize