I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
