my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
