i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
