I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
