At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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