All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
