i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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