bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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