I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
