Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
