Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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