McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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