he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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