You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
