I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
