You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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