We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
