you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
