but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
