Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
