it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
