By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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