the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
