my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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