I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
