i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
