My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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