Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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