I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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