I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
