My first STD was from a foam party
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
