I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
