When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
