so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
