Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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