i just had sex bonerless
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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