I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
