i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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