i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
