Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you win again, gameday.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
