I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dick very happy bro
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
