The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
