I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can I color on your dick again?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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