I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Watching her eat just hurts me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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