My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.