Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have fence marks all over my body
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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