Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic