yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.