I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
