He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
