Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
