Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was like eating out sand paper
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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