There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
