I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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