This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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