OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
