I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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