why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
